But I do.
So let me use the space to tell you if you ever went to a drive-in theater or have enjoyed an exploitation flick, then Machete is must-see viewing.
If you don’t enjoy over-the-top violence, gore and nudity, well, I don’t wanna know you.
Director Robert Rodriguez and his cast have their tongues buried to the hilt in their cheeks for Machete. From the scratchy film in the opening scene to the way every wound fountains arterial blood like a Monty Python skit, this movie is a hoot.
It is such a drive-in flick, at one point I swear I could taste the stale popcorn my local passion pit served.
Speaking of the cast, how did they get Robert DeNiro for this?? The stellar list of actors include Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez, Jeff Fahey and a bloated Steven Segal. The title character is played by the ubiquitous Danny Trejo, who proves you don’t have to be pretty to carry an action flick.
If you still don’t think this movie is for you, allow me to borrow from Joe Bob Briggs. Machete features weedwhacker fu, shoe fu, meat thermometer fu and, in one of the movie’s funniest scene, intestines fu.
Still not convinced? The movie has a naked Lindsay Lohan, a sorta naked Jessica Alba and a nearly-naked and phenomenally buff Michelle Rodriguez.
Here’s hoping there's a sequel some time soon.
The writing has gone well this weekend.
I polished my latest section of Dead Earth 3 (nobody, by the way, likes my title: Dead Earth 3-D) and sent it to Dave Wilbanks, then spent the bulk of the day working on that overdue story that is trying to become my personal Waterloo. Fortunately, I have the beast pinned to the mat. Let’s see if I can hold it there until the ref finishes his count.