With One Magic Word...

...And that word is Kapooyah!  It can turn your life around, transform bad times into good and make hair grow where it should. 

Find out more about these sorcerous syllables in my column this week in the freakin' Ashland Beacon. It's on page 2.

 

A.S.S. Update

 In this week's column for the Freakin' Ashland Beacon, I share a new escapade of the Argillite Secret Service. As always, it's on page 2. You can read it here.

News From The Future

The secrets are revealed this week in my newspaper column in the Ashland Beacon. It's on page 2! Read it here.

Reader Mail

I answer it in this week's column in the freakin' Ashland Beacon. You can read it online. It's on page 2.

The Incredible Bulk VS Agents of S.H.E.M.P.

The carnage takes place in this week's Ashland Beacon. It's on page 2. You can read it here.

Thank Ya, Thank Ya Very Much

A call from Elvis is the topic of this week's column in the Ashland Beacon.

It's on page 2 and you can read it here.

Still Alive

I'm just very busy. I'll try to do a catch-up post this weekend. Meanwhile, my latest column in the Ashland Beacon is a case from my days as a private dick (as opposed to, I suppose, a public dick). It's right here on page 2.

Mark In Mayberry

Even though I haven't posted in a while, my Department of Justice column continues to appear each week in the Ashland Beacon.

In this week's edition, I recall a recent trip to Mayberry, where things have definitely not remained the same. You an read it here on page 2.

In Case You're Interested

My column in this week's Ashland Beacon is a script for a new TV show about the inner workings of my favorite little newspaper. You can check it out on page 2.

On Tuesday, that edition moves to the archives and in the new issue, I'll have a special column about my 31st wedding anniversary.

New Columns

 

Over at Horror World, I devote my column to a review of Stephen King's new novel Joyland. Read it here, if you're so inclined. 

And my weekly newspaper column tackles reader mail. It's on page 2.

New Review and Possums, Too

Here's a new review of The Dead Sheriff.

And my latest column in the Ashland Beacon concerns The Possum Ranch...it's on page 2.

Dead Sheriffs and Pickles

Geek's Podcast has a nice review of The Dead Sheriff. Peruse it here.

And this week's column in the Ashland Beacon is another stirring tale from deep within the Pactolus Pickle Processing Plant. You'll find it here on page 2.

Sports' Most Shameful Secret

It's juicing.

Juicing in checkers.

And, finally, somebody's talking about it.

That would be me, and I do it right here on page 2.

Nothing Butt The Truth

My column in this week's Freakin' Ashland Beacon is all about the true, totally non-embellished story of my butt surgery from some years ago. Yes, I once again unselfishly make an ass of myself for you, my readers. Read all about it on page 2 by clicking here.

A New Beginning

 My first column of the year for The Freakin' Ashland Beacon, and my first under my exciting new week-to-week contract, is up now. You can read it here. It's on page 2.

New Contract

Read about it in this week's column in the Ashland Beacon, along with my message to the Mayans. It's all on page 2.

If I Ran the Holidays, and Other Festive Thoughts

Hey, bros and bro-ettes!

It's time for my weekly column in the Ashland Beacon, festooned with squishy holiday goodness.

You can check it out in its usual spot on page two of the paper. But take care--whatever is read cannot be unread. At least not without a sizable amount of alcohol

Now Available For Your Yuletide Reading Pleasure

My latest column for the Ashland Beacon, in which I spray holiday joy everywhere and reveal my loathing for “Dominic, the Italian Christmas Donkey”.

You can read it online here, on page 2.

Great. Now that friggin’ donkey song is stuck in my head again.

Freakin’ Beacon Update

This week’s Ashland Beacon is out, with my weekly column. This time it’s “Leftovers”.

Expect a fishing joke, every turkey recipe my wife knows, and a brief appearance by Elvis.

You can read it online. It’s on page 2.

I Almost Forgot

My new column in this week's Ashland Beacon is online. It's an adventure of the Argillite Secret Service. You can read it here on page 2.

That's it. You can go back to slowly and loudly riding your motorcycle in front of my house.